Monday, June 2, 2008

Hmmmm, Racing Lady-Crank?

Well well, they've gone n done it! A Racing Lady-Crank! Till now all the BBI's n the like have been defending their "Lady-Cranks" - you know, the ones with the picture of Dora the Explorer on em, all Hollow tech n carbon - filled one side with estrogen and the other with Vagisil - however it does stop the itching n burning.... But a Dura-Ace Lady-Crank? Ca-mon! How can Shimano validate this pussification of cycling?

From Shimano:

What are the symptoms of vaginal pain? Vaginal pain can take many forms, caused by long rides uphill or following your stronger buddies using 39x53 cranks. An intermittent, dull ache to a cramping sensation to a chronic burning or sharp, knifelike pain that occurs in the absence of your cycling self worth. Unexplained pain may result in the inability to exercise, have sexual intercourse and, in extreme cases, can cause riders to be bedridden. Additional symptoms may include a vaginal discharge known as chamois cream, itching and burning of the vagina and vulva.
Conventional medical treatments may help relieve the symptoms of vaginal pain, but they do not address the root of the problem. Man-up! By strengthening structural weaknesses in the body, as natural medicine treatments like EPO do, and riding a "Man-Crank, vaginal pain may be alleviated permanently.


jonathan said...

The only redeeming feature of riding with such a pathetic, girly piece of equipment like a “lady-crank” is that it allows me to ride so much faster up the hills that I am spared having to listen to the rants of Senior ServiceCorps.

And another thing, I was at a fine restaurant last week, and pulled out my own feminine napkin to use instead of the linen ones they offered, and found them lacking both in style and softness, but dang, were they absorbent or what? Dropped a whole bowel of soup in my lap and stayed completely dry.

Tall & Manley said...

I'm in the process of getting in touch with my own lady-crank.

Anonymous said...

Duh, uh, like for thos of uss who never tok physicks and mathematecs, as the auther certainly did do by this serperb reasonin proces and diatribe, I used to thunk it wass ultimatlly about gear inches.(???) Howw i could of missed the facts by so much, gosh darn. The 50/11 combi is supose to beh even biggger, full of mor viagro than a 53/12. And a34/21 is the same lowe gear as a 39/25 (giving the tough guys in the hells a sweet and tite-as-a 16 year old 11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-21 offerin in the proces)...Well i will be dammed. Glad I stil run a good ole 52/42 with a 13-23 sixth sped cause in my day that is what all the pros ran. Also this Reynalds 6969 tubing steal frame, with down tube fiction shifting is how Copi did it. Good enuff then then goood enuff now. Screw change. Tanks for the truxth and insite.

Damn, change is a bitch for some of us.

Anonymous said...


I check out the ServiceCourse Blog just to discover you hatin' the playa's compact crankset. I have been having fun-o-plenty on my 50-34t; churning around on my 11-21 and spinning up hills on the 12-23 10-sp cogsets. I had the Ritchey before Shimano made a MUCH stiffer version this year. We both know I certainly can't out-rant you, but I can out-climb you... (there just went my Truckee weekend invite).

I will be looking to you for that 2009 Shimano Dura-Ace gruppo, even though you hate my bike, hate my cranks, hate birthday parties, hate hate hate.

Jason (Nuthin' but love)