Sunday, October 7, 2007

Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand.

The horror.. the horror....
From 6/7/07

Sat / Sun Crits - Dash 4 Cash + EMC2
2-races ea day.

"The Reno Wheelmans"
(many dressed the same - racing alone for one cause)

Brought to you by;
The good folks from Truckee, California
~ Waving the Nevada flag for all of California to see and love!~

Most common question heard throughout the weekend: Who are these guys from Reno?

Answer: Their the ones with the Chilly Peppers cranked during warm up (GONDA!s trainer is super loud - tight ass should just get a new one).

oh, n I heard thy ani't from Reno no how, they hate babies n their liberals! That there fat one just up n took Jimmy's TIVO riteoutfromunder him!
Damn....... that's Jimmy's TIVO!

Sooooooo, we were good Shawn. Polite, helpful, raced under our own names, and paid our entries. I got one of the girls at the strip club to put on GONDA'S TRW speed suit and strip out of it for her 2nd act - further helping to promote the Wheelmans!

Can someone tell me who Bubba is?
I did learn who Larry Nolan is - he's the guy who greats you and holds your hand for the 30min between here and the after-life - kinda like the grim reapers Tony Snow. The good cop. Dressed in a blurry blue suit.
When you hear people talk about seeing the white light, those are the people who never made it far enough to actually meet the man!
It's easy to do - meet him - you just pack your pants with bravado and follow him on a break. C'mon, it's fun! The first hits free!
And if you really want to do it right, go with him in the first 10min. of the race!

The Nolan clinic.
GONDA! tells me he's a world champion on the track.
After a long weekend with 3 races under our belt it's time for the EMC2 45+ race. 40min. I won the race before this one and did some big efforts during it so I was kinda thinking it would be a fun to go out and throw some stuff off the front and just get some hard exercise. I'm toast.
Back story: at the end of yesterday (GONDARELLA - yes, he has lady SIDIs) who knows I have been trying to keep in the shadows away from Bubba as he's been in my crosshairs - throws me right into the sunlight! "So Bubba, do you know my friend Gregg?"
During our conversation Bubba talks about how he slung off the prem and on the next prem Nolan did the same making up a 3 man break - end of story, I rode off the chase front to take 4th-

(that's Sat. 45+).

The Lady Gondarella - includes screw on heels.

Sun 45+ I have a bit of a plan. Watch for the same thing to take place (thanks for the tip Bubba). At the first prem (I'm marking Nolan) Bubba heads for the prem at about 80% an Nolan hits it during the chaos. I'm the only one who sticks. Great!
So I figure once Larry sees me behind him and no one else to help the cause, he's gonna let up - WRONG. So now the self talk starts. 30 min to go and I came into this race toast - no way. I look down and see my bravado is still tucked into my pants and go around and take too big a pull. This goes on for 2 laps. Game face. I can't talk. 5in gaps seem like city blocks.
Once upon a time, a wise thin bike racer, who lives next-door, told me you never, NEVER, drop from a break - however he's now fat and won't race (a story for another time) - but I keep visualizing the thin guy saying to me "never drop from a break". Then I realize there are many voices in my head like "don't go to the light" and "AMD is for American Masters Domination" and of course "was that your bravado in the gutter back there?"
I finally told Larry I can't do this. He's super cool and says to just recover and hang in there. I try to speak again to let him know I'm a pussy and am going to go home now - but nothing comes out.

Quickly as you can Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand. When you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave.

I pull up next to him and he asks if I concede for 2nd place? No I tell him! I'm gonna frickin sit on you and jump you for the win! He just looked at me blank?
Then I realized that was only my inside voice saying that. So I say, "OK" in my best Charles Bronson voice. He repeats it and I say if I can't hold on to the finish, I'll give him a monster pull and drop back, go home, and be belittled by my fat little neighbor.
After another lap I do some pulls and he's again asking if I concede. "Nothing in the rules says you have to pull if you concede the win" I just told him of my distain for these people who are cycling's little weasels and have no pride / no racing from the heart - see Bernard Hinault. Yes, I'll slide back at the finish - at that point we make our introductions and settle into tempo. 50sec ahead of the field.

I'll work for you Greg - No no, I mean I'll work you
Just a translation thing

Meanwhile, back at the ranch......
Bubba attacks- w/ 4 to go. We are so far out there is no way he will reach us. 2 guys go after him and then The GONDA! responds and closes the gap! Good job The GONDA! Once they reach Bubba, it's over. The GONDA! said he (Bubba) got pissed and said they all needed to work but then sat up and did nothing. Regroup.

Larry and I cruse the last lap talking and he crosses the line with me behind him clapping for him and pointing as if he's the man - he was! For this day......

That really was the race of the weekend for me.
The others were:
1st 45+ 3/4,
4th 45+ open,
1st 35+3/4 (TIVO)
and this one 45+ 2nd.

Viva La Wheelmanz!

PS: if you see a stripper in a TRW speed suit, tell her The GONDA!'s PISSED!

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